i'm too mentally ill for this

awake ugh

awake at 5

now it's 6

what am i working on today

awake at 6 cause i went to bed at like 9

i'm drowning in worms all of a sudden wtf i could cry

obviously hitting the downward swing of the high of the new shiny

i feel like maybe this is a mistake

i'm going to dry up

i'll keep a few core folks until something in their lives change and they move on to something else

next big plan is a virtual pet

once i fix the tictactoe crashing

looking for a place to aimlessly stare where neurotypical won't think i'm looking at them

alone

not upset about it

other than im not at my computer

i just can't sleep lately

i always perk up when i hear the boomers jingle their keys because i'm hoping they're going to leave the house

i'm in a stream group but i don't do shit with them

i'm too busy to collab and i don't know how to collab and what is collab

i'm so tired of everyone else

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

things are really fcuking oging holy shit and i cant type time for bed

why do boomers fucking SCREAM when they sneeze

don't use the word spook

not progressing like checking things off the list

progressing more like a growth

like spilled paint

aimless but doing something

i have a lot of stuff i have to do and i dont want to do it

DJ Try Catch

blah

i am not good at being social

i'm not in it for the money

i'm in it to win it

suicidal and self injury on the mind lately even though things are fine i'm stressed and all i can think is GUN got a knife to stir my coffee and thought about sawing at my arm with it like i used to

even stoned i can multi task better than anyone else why am i the mentally ill one

im going to be in your phone

haven't been posting on socials

only working on tpn

haven't streamed other than monday too

i love my little web app

i hate calling it an app tho

it's my website

why do boomers make the worst noises like stop it

ive been ignoring myoshi boops

only streamed 4 hours last night

the hardware arrives today for tpn

i hope this shit works

i'm here to do shit online and hype up people doing shit online

when the boomers leave the house and my body physically relaxes

up at 6

about to go back to sleep though

head hurts a bit cause haven't taken adhd med in a few days. turns out insurance wont let me have 90 days at a time and i have to call in to have it filled every month and that means i'm going to be in the same position next month because these are meds for the BEES IN MY HEAD

my internet friends are the best

ughghhhgh

things are happening i'm happy and want to explode

lesser of two evils land

i feel like my streams are actually less annoying that most because i'm not insufferable with bad opinions, my hud is just busy

trying not to feel overwhelmed but i'm feeling overwhelmed

good stream good comms progress

can't it all just make itsself

desire to autism shreak rising

karaoke stream today

stuck in waiting mode

'ready to rig' vtuber psd files seem like a scam to trap people into buying just a psd

don't want to work on stuff

just want to play my card

i want to work on stuff but i dont

overwhelm too much to do

i need to work on comms today

panicking internally because there's so much to do and it's just me and 🐲

dragging my feet with wanting to start implementing stuff

tired? afraid i'm going to fail? that's it's pointless? idk

i'm sorry i'm avoiding everything today

i haven't felt like working on things but i suppose thats okay i should take days off i should only work like tuesday through friday so i have monday for stream and weekend for whatever idk happy to be doing an actual comm but the adhd already wants it off my plate lol ugh

i dont want to stream

i dont want to work on anything

i dont feel like taking a nap

i'm not hungry

maybe i'll get on for 420 or something

141 more videos to sort then i can start adding all the old stuff

my beloved regular hasn't shown in a few streams and i'm worried is that pathetic

100 some more videos to sort then i can start adding the google takeout videos to the new vod channel

tummy hurt

like big anxiety spike idk theres something i'm forgetting or something

my followers are the best

having a lot of fun with this first paid comm so far

up at 6 today meh

looking forward to the nap later

people i could have sworn were anti nazi twitter stuff are full on having back and forth, normal exchanges... people that are mutuals on bluesky simply chatting back and forth at the nazi bar when they have a serviceable, lesser of two evils to use... and they're on both! here i am feeling bad about still streaming to twitch, still using socials at all... i had kinda thought people were mostly over twitter, at least in the indie vtuber space, but i'm wrong. peers and 'greater thans' the same. people on my team. but even people on my team have been too lazy? ignorant? stupid? to remove frostytools from their channel... thanks for existing thoughts dot place now i can shout into this void instead

i feel like no one stands for anything. something as easy as not posting on twitter. it's something you have to do to do it. it's less work to not do it. what the fuck people i'm endlessly disappointed.

lots of youtube where is the ai why is it making books no one reads instead of knowing how to do this gruntwork uploading all my stuff to a new channel

there's no real alternative to twitch

not enough patience for the new undertale themed quiz going around

good nap

so i can work on the layout

a few test posts

okay neat